OK this is really hilarious. Apparently last month, out of all the Coles workers in regional WA, I was the top "super sizer" sales person. This means I sold the most promotional deals & "up selling" crap out of everyone in the state ha ha ha ha haha. So I'm getting all this clap on the back employee of the month comments and everyone thinking I'm this amazing sales person, when in fact I never even tried to "supersize" anyone's purchases.
What happens is that because we're the only place open after 6 pm, 7 days a week, most of the town comes in, sometimes two or three times a day, for various supplies. At night it goes berserk, and last month the town drug dealers got hold of some kind of mega-strength marijuana, so half the town has been coming in absolutely off their faces, crazed with super-munchies, buying TONS of the promotional junk food & soft drinks. It's hysterical - everyone's trying to act "normal", but their eyes are red as demons & rolling up into their heads. "Having a good night, hey?" I ask. "Ahh...hee hee hee...yeahhhh....whoo" they reply, peering owlishly at the ATM keypad. "Whuza my pin number Anna?"
It reached a fabulous pinnacle of lunacy this week, because I bought some silly reindeer and elf hat things with ears for us to wear for the Christmas season, and I was wearing the elf headgear on a night when everyone was high as kites. They'd come up to the counter with their 27 bottles of Coke and armloads of chocolate & chips, and you could see that the elf thing was messing with their heads. Is that an elf? Jesus I'm stoned. Oh my god the elf is talking. To me. Elf. Elllllfffff.....
The night I was wearing the reindeer antlers was also highly entertaining. The little kids would come up shyly and say "Hello reindeer!". One kid however just looked at me disdainfully. "What you is supposed to be?" I looked around but his parents were approaching so I refrained from kicking him in the ankles.
Then the truckies started coming in for their showers and dinners, and the bad taste "horny reindeer" jokes started up and there was far too much laughter and chaos in the shop, until one of the blokes in the queue said "I just wanna get the antlers off her and take her home heh heh heh". Startled silence.
"I'm afraid the reindeer already has a hot date with Mr. Santa after work," I said, reaching for the staff baseball bat just in case.
The roadhouse is a very hard job but it's also good fun. I get to meet just about everyone in town, and the truckies are terrific, full of stories and news about weather conditions north or south. Because I know everyone, we joke around a lot and people help out when things are busy - I'll find one of the truckies refilling the coffee machine or cleaing a toilet, or have one of the locals pitching in to help me load ice bags. The best thing is when Gaz comes in to get smokes or morning tea and sneaks behind the counter to grab me and give me a big kiss right in front of everybody which always gets a big cheer and makes me go all silly.
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