Here, Have Some Culture

Yesterday evening the screaming fighting mob were starting to assemble on their back porch across the lane and I sighed, bracing myself for yet another night of hellish noise. I considered going up and banging on their fence and screaming gibberish, then inspiration struck. Why not create my own spin-off of recent cultural events such as Opera On The Harbour? I got the iPod going on the stereo, creating my own showcase of "Very Loud Opera In The Desert You Bastards".

With the death scene from Madam Butterfly directed full blast up the hill, I hummed along, painting the front porch. Within minutes, everyone had gone inside and shut their doors and windows against the onslaught (their stereo was destroyed in the fighting last week). Brilliant! I kept it up until about midnight when I'd finished painting. What better comeback to screaming aboriginal insanity than screaming mad Italians? Jay and his son wandered by as they came home from dinner at the pub and thought it was great. The cops know I work for the hostel and that I'm in the firies, so they just smile and wave as they drive past - no "disturbing the peace" warnings for me!

However, I was woken at dawn by Boy and Honey doing what I call "hefflalumping" - they get in this silly, silly mood and start rampaging around the house, and it sounds like a heffalump falling down a staircase. Boy has no sense of objects in space and just crashes into things; he gets under the table, which is too low for him, and stands up, knocking it over, then looks around going "Huh? Whut?" I'm sure I saw Smokey rolling his eyes in disgust.