Well after much inner debate I figured the blog shouldn't let excruciatingly embarrassing personal medical issues censor any potentially fascinating tales, so I thought, why not tell everyone about my disgusting ass growth? I'm going to Geraldton this week to have it removed, it's just a skin tag in a HIGHLY EMBARRASSING PERSONAL AREA of my ass (I will spare you photos unless I get drunk).
Because I'm in the outback, what would normally be a private specialist experience has to suffer the indignities of small town life. Because remote communities don't have ass specialists, you have to front up at the clinic & see whatever GP is on duty so you can get a referral. I started off in Carnarvon with the Indian doctor, who needed the nurse to help a bit with translation (?!) which meant he and the nurse both had a good look at it ("Oh my jolly goodness gracious yes it is being quite remarkable Miss Johosonon") then of course the clinic receptionist needed to talk loudly about it as she organised the paperwork at the public front desk with the entire Mitchell clan in the waiting room ("Hi Anna! You got im problem with bottom eh?"). Then the nurse had to come and translate the doctor's Hindi handwriting as we all had a good listen. "What that word there?" "Anus." "Anus?" "Yes, anus." "Oh! Anus!" "OK can we all stop saying ANUS in the waiting room PLEASE?"
They didn't have anyone at Carnarvon who could do the removal procedure, so I had to explain to Ian that I now had a referral to see a specialist in Geraldton & would have to have surgery, and then Ian of course wanted to have a look too ("NO!" "Take a photo with your iPhone and show me that way!" "NOOO!!!")
Then the whole Meekatharra move happened and the referral expired so I had to go to the clinic here and start all over again, this time with people I see every day on the street. Several more people looked at it in Geraldton at the specialist's surgery when I went in for the initial consult. The joke became that just about everyone in the midwest region has had a look at it & that I was thinking of getting it its own website & facebook page.
Anyway, we're off to Geraldton this week at last for the surgical removal, which will be a five minute general anaesthetic, a quick snip with the office scissors, wakey wakey and a complementary tube of ass cream to take home. Fun! They're doing it in the morning, so I'm sure they'll just combine it with morning tea & invite anyone who's hanging around to come & have a good look. I'm thinking of charging admission fees.
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