My beautiful friend Pam from high school days found me on the internet and we just had the bestest huge long phone talk! The internet is amazing! Pam is fabulous! We both laughed and laughed & got all teary and had air hugs and everything. PAM JUST COME TO AUSTRALIA AND GET SLAVE LABOUR JOBS IN ROADHOUSES IT WILL ALL WORK OUT! Pam has gone from being a nice well behaved girl at school into a political rabble rousing socialist agitator which I'm sure won't get her any gold elephant stamps on the Parklands Senior High & Drug Dropout School alumni web page but definitely gets the Waggin' Trail "Excellence in Fighting the Increasing Insanity of the World" Award.
Remember, kids, high school is a toxic, hollow, soul-destroying sausage factory and the best way to get through it is to cause as much trouble as possible while there, escape when you can, and get into tertiary education on the basis of a fabricated "prior industry experience" resume (you all know how to use basic pirated desktop publishing software, yes?), rack up an enormous credit card debt while travelling around Europe (they don't have any real money there anyway & won't notice the extra debt), declare bankruptcy and then go live in a caravan park by the beach cleaning toilets to pay for your accommodation & burgers. You will enjoy all of this much more than saving up for crap to buy at Ikea, trust me.
OK so that's everyone's career planning sorted. Now, Pam told me a hilarious story about a playwright neighbour who wrote a play called "Island Fling" (yes I'm trying to google it), based on Pam's family, but in the play he kills off Pam's dad, has an affair with her mom, but best of all, me and Pam are in it!
In the play, Pam comes home and dumps a heap of laundry for her mom to do - we don't remember doing anything like that, as we were busy riding ponies & watching Monty Python & didn't really bother with things like being clean but I guess laundry served some greater metaphoric purpose.
It was fantastic talking with Pam GET OUT HERE NOW AND LIVE IN A BUS WITH ITS OWN TOILET PAM YOU'LL LOVE IT TRUST ME and Waggin' Trail would also like to extend our commiserations to her partner James who will not be able to read this blog for a few weeks or he'll bust his innards open, having just had an emergency appendectomy. Get well soon James! You'll need to be fit and well to work 14 hour days in the roadhouses to pay for Pam's Aussie adventure.
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