Comedy Central

Some days you can just hear the Benny Hill music playing in the background of your life...the other night we were awakened by cockroaches racing around on Gary EWWWW - turned out the headboard I made from an old door was RIDDLED with the bastards. AAAAAGGGGH. Then we found another gigantic locust in the kitchen which started flying wildly around with both of us flailing at it screaming with brooms. Meanwhile, the kitchen sink decided to block up & overflow (cockroaches invading the main drain??).

So we packed up the animals and I set off a battery of bug bombs and we went over to Gary's place to hide out and watch about 17 hours of animal documentaries. Afternoon vodka resulted in a ridiculous conversation about the "slow loris" (a type of lemur) which Gary swears I called a "snow lawrence", a non-existent creature which we are both now extremely fond of. When we got ready to go back to my place, we suddenly realised that Boy was nowhere in sight. We assumed he'd gone for a wander through town (his previous life) so we went to Paddy's Flat to see if he'd turned up there (no), then went searching through town for him. Nothin'. Gary assured me that in typical Meeka dog style he'd turn up after he'd done his rounds, so we went back to my place for the night.

Back at the house, sweeping up cockroaches, there were still a bunch of them half-alive in the bedroom, so we abandoned that plan and went back to Gary's, leaving Honey to guard Smokey and my house. Gary opened the toilet door at his place when we got there, and guess who was locked in the toilet cubicle? Silly Boy had somehow gone in there as we were shutting doors. Never made a sound. Silly idiot! He was very pleased to see us and I gave him some of our dinner. What a fool.

Then all the frogs in Gary's bathroom (I have cockroaches, he has frogs) started chirping and carrying on, what a racket. They're everywhere - in the toilet, the shower, the sink. Every time I flush the toilet a bunch of them suddenly appear in the bowl, frantically trying to not get flushed as I wail in despair. "They're drowning! Oh my god!"  "They're all right! They'll swim back up!"  "Its little eyes are bulging in terror!"  "Don't look at it!"  "Oh god!"  "Woof! Woooof!" "Get out of the toilet idiot dog!" "Arooo!"