I noticed that Linda the Locust had been hanging out on my bedroom wall for a couple of days. "It's probably slowly starving to death," said Gary, so he gently picked it up and it responded by clamping down on his finger with its giant hidden razor mandibles. Here, verbatim, is how Meekatharra Fire & Rescue workers calmly respond to such an incident:
G: Aaaaagh!
A: Oh my god, what?
G: AAAGHH christ it's BITING ME!!!!
A: It's just its spiky legs! Don't hurt it!
G: (flailing wildly) It has teeth! Gaahh LET GO!!!!
A: Aaagh!
G: Aaaaaaagh!
He finally flung it off and I tackled it with a towel & threw it out of the house. It left two vampire teeth marks on his finger! "Should I google if locusts carry hideous necrotic diseases?" "Nah I'll be right." "What if it, you know, festers?" "Oh, god." "Wash it in the vodka!" "Aaaaghh christ that hurts!"
No more Ms. Nice Lady. Next time, it's the hammer.
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