You Want That Burnt All The Way Through Or Just On The Outside?

After four hours of cussing and banging I managed to assemble my cheap-ass new barbecue by abandoning the instruction booklet and resorting to a hammer. Who are the fiends who write these instruction booklets? What artistically derelict ruffians do the technical drawings? I've done two types of shelves, the fridges, the washing machine, the pool, the air compressor and now I have to face the pool pump (see fig. 237, page 1010101B, unless model number is variant of TC6/011 using parts A(a)9(b) of swivelling counterclockwise direction using third hand). I may just go and stand in the street waving the pump parts & a cold beer at passing blokes until one of them stops to help.

Patreen & Hazel came round with the kids. DJ, who normally gives me a big hug, raced past me into the house. "Hi DJ!" "I'm going in the pool where's the pool is the pool ready I'm going in right now MUM HELP ME GET IN THE POOL can we put the dog in the pool wow MUM LOOK AT THE POOL"
He and Jack went berserk in the pool while we had a few drinks & gossiped about the men-folk. I fired up the barbecue & made salad while Patreen & Hazel decided to pull all the filthy insect screens off the windows for me. This was my first ever fair dinkum barbecueing effort and I made sure I complied with Aussie BBQ cooking standards which require all food to be burnt to a blackened husk, completely covered with an entire bottle of barbecue sauce & served with a salad which remains uneaten (you just put it back in the fridge for next time).

Patreen is awesome. She's the kind of woman who could quickly build a shed from available scrap materials while having a baby, organising dental appointments on the phone, cooking a roast and casually fending off attacking dingoes singlehandedly with a rifle. She was most impressed with my tool collection. "Don't lend yer tools to any blokes, they don't look after 'em!". One of her jobs is cooking for the Trenk Mining blokes and apparently they are terrified of her. "Whadderyer mean yer can't wash yer own plate? That plate gets washed or youse can all starve!" She's great. She and Hazel are coming round tomorrow to help me with the rest of the gutting work. I bet Patreen isn't scared of a pool pump...