Exploding Cows

Before anyone gets too excited (BERNARD!) no I do not have any exploding cow footage. Yet. But I wanted to point out that it is a sad reflection on our society that WT has had more enthusiasm for the exploding cow post than any other entry in the blog. As we all wait in anticipation of the day that I am able to capture a dead cow exploding in 50 degree heat against a dramatic desert sky, may I direct WT fans to google the infamous "exploding whale" which I believe you can find on YouTube. As Bernard has noted, they cheated by using explosives, but it will have to suffice for now.

The humidity in Meeka today was about 675 percent. Oozing bodily fluids from every pore, I spent the day working on the guest room, which is where they filmed "The Exorcist". At least that's the only explanation I can think of. It was clearly a child's room, but the child must have been possessed by uber-demons who caused it to spew strange sticky yellow lumpy stuff all over the walls which no tool or chemical known to humankind can remove. At night, alone in its nasty bed, it gouged indelible pagan curses in the wall with various pens before finally falling into a muttering, troubled sleep under the thousands of glow in the dark stick-on stars that its deranged parents glued to the ceiling and which now have to be individually cut out with a stanley knife.

Last night a particularly large cockroach somehow breached the mosquito net and ran wildly all over me. At first I thought it was Smokey's tail tickling me so I reached out to pat him and OMG OMFG I TOUCHED IT WITH MY BARE HAND oh god oh god oh god IT WAS IN MY HAIR!!!! My emergency services training completely failed to kick in and I leaped about ten feet in the air screaming in this silly voice, "oh oh oh get it off get it off getitoffffffffFFFFFF!!!!!" and then napalmed it with nearly an entire can of Mortein which made it race panicking around the bed, its giant flailing cockroach shadow cast against the wall by the night light in a hideous chiaroscuro effect. It disappeared under the pillows; I cannot find it.

I can only hope that it is lying dead behind the bed somewhere, because if it's not, it will be there again tonight. And it will be angry.